Keep it Together
By Cindy Janczyk

Hank and I met in the fall of 1983 at Salisbury State University in Maryland. He was a coach, and I was a student. We dated, fell in love and got married the following summer. Marriage: ‘84. My college graduation: ‘85. Our first baby: ‘86. Such was the pace we set for a rather unconventional course through married life. But we were in love and convinced that God had a plan for us to partner together in life.

We did the marriage thing pretty well until the 12-year mark. That is when we reached a season of crisis. When marriage becomes routine, it’s easy to think you’re OK when you’re really quite vulnerable. Hank and I were not prepared for “the terror of the night” (Song of Songs 3:8). We had more presumptuous faith than tested strength. Yes, we were both Christians, serious about our commitment to live for Christ; but we were so shallow in our spiritual defense. How did we ever miss the importance of practice before the game? We had neglected essential disciplines, such as praying together and regular devotions, and we were totally unprepared for spiritual combat.

In less than three months, our opponent had infiltrated our marriage with so many lies that the pain intensified beyond anything we had ever experienced. Divorce looked like a relief option. Since we were the source of each other’s pain, we were nearly convinced that the loving thing to do was to separate. But as we made the decision to honor our commitment, God began to bless us with brokenness. Pride, stubborn will and selfishness had to go if our marriage was ever going to reflect the Lord’s workmanship. God changed us from the inside out, and we understood for the first time what it meant to be born again. The sensation leaves you speechless.

I don’t think our problems were caused by the coaching lifestyle, but I do think the nature of the profession magnified our weaknesses. This was God’s plan all along. Usually, it’s not the schedule or the mood swings that are to blame; it’s the motivations of the heart. God will allow tensions to build in your private life in order to position you for ultimate change. The key is to stay the course.

Marriage can certainly bring out the worst in us. Just as an athlete must overcome the obstacles of personal weakness, marriage is the practice field for overcoming the flesh within the privacy and security of a covenant. There are moments in marriage that are really painful, but if you disregard the temptation to drop out, God will reward you with the superior satisfaction of intimacy.

We had to learn that Jesus was the ultimate lover of our souls. We weren’t created with the capability to fulfill one another’s ultimate need for love. We had to discipline ourselves to meet with God regularly for prayer and Scripture reading. In those private moments, God taught us how He longs to be involved in our marriedlife and to communicate with us. We also made it a high priority to pray together daily. There is no greater strength in a marriage than spouses pursuing their own personal relationship with Christ and then joining forces on their knees. This is where love accumulates and spills over with abundant grace and expression for every competition in life.

About the Author: Cindy Janczyk is the wife of Hank Janczyk, head men’s lacrosse coach at Gettysburg College (Pa.). They have three children, Megan (20), David (17) and Molly (12). Cindy is the director of Rebuilders Marriage Ministry at their church. She has authored their primary curriculum and is currently publishing a relationship series for young adults entitled Finding Intimacy in a Love-Starved World. For more info, visit hisravishedheart.com.



*For more stories about faith and sport, visit www.sharingthevictory.com, the official magazine of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes.

Courtesy of Cindy Janczyk